Picks From The Dumpster (presented by Arby’s): Week 5

Last Week: 2-3; Season: 10-10

Well, we are on what’s called a losing streak. We went 2-3 again last week. But, we are an even 10-10 on the season, and that’s not so bad. If I have another losing week though, I may consider ending my life. Here are my best bets for Week 5!

Bills (-5.5) at Jaguars in London

Pick: Jaguars +5.5

The Jags played in London last week where there is a time difference of about 6 hours. They will also play this game in London too, where there is a time difference of about 6 hours. I don’t see Buffalo adjusting to the time difference. For example, they will think it’s breakfast time, when really it’s lunch time. I like the Jags here.

Chiefs (-3.5) at Vikings

Pick: Vikings +3.5

Anytime you bet against a guy like Patrick Malones you just wanna say what are you doing man? why do you still do this and why do you still live in a dumpster? can’t you just rent a cheap apartment or something? why do you have to keep betting any money you have and why are you betting against a guy like Malones? oh okay, you made some good points, let’s take the Vikings.

Texans at Falcons (-1.5)

Pick: Falcons -1.5

I see this game coming down to who can get the most safeties. I think Atlanta gets a few safeties late and wins this game by 2.

Jets at Broncos (-2)

Pick: Broncos -2

I feel physically ill making this pick. Part of that might be attributed to my diet which has consisted of Arby’s tangy barbecue sauce packets and leftover orange soda for the last few days, but the other part of that is that I am backing a Broncos team that is really bad at football. I really need health insurance.

Cowboys at 49ers (-3.5)

Pick: Cowboys +3.5

The Cowboys have a lot of talent on their roster and there are other reasons why I like this bet but I don’t really have much time to get into it right now because I think I am internally bleeding and I probably should go to a hospital or a place like a hospital.