Last Week: 3-2; Season: 6-4

We’re coming off of another very solid 3-2 week and are 60% (yes, SIXTY PERCENT) for the season. Can we keep this up? Probably not. Here are my best bets for Week 3.

Cowboys (-12.5) at Cardinals

Pick: Cardinals +12.5

12.5 points is just too much to give a team in the NFL. To give you an idea of how much 12.5 points is, think about the movie Cheaper by the Dozen. Remember how many kids were running around and causing trouble in that movie? There were a lot of them (12 in total) and they were out of control!

Bears at Chiefs (-12.5)

Pick: Bears +12.5

12.5 points is just too much to give a team in the NFL. To give you an idea of how much 12.5 points is, think about the movie Ocean’s Twelve. Remember how many con men and thieves there were running around and tricking people with cool tricks in that movie? There were a lot of them (12 in total) and they were tricking everyone!

Titans at Browns (-3.5)

Pick: Browns -3.5

There’s a reason why the movie was called Remember the Titans, not Remember the Browns. The main reason was that the market research indicated that Remember the Browns conjured up an image of poo among movie-goers, which would have seriously hurt its domestic box office numbers. Also, that movie was about a high school football team whose mascot was the Titans, so why would the movie be called Remember the Browns? Ever think of that, hotshot?

I like the Browns here.

Bills (-6.5) at Redskins

Pick: Redskins +6.5

I have a bone to pick with this line—the Redskins should not be getting this many points at home. Speaking of bones, I don’t have any bones to pick with the Classic 6 Piece Buffalo Boneless Wing (bite-sized pieces of all-white meat chicken in a crispy, seasoned breading tossed in buffalo sauce) and Small Fry Combo now available for a limited time at Arby’s for only $5.

Patriots (-2.5) at Jets

Pick: Jets +2.5

If I were Bill Bellichick, I’d tell my team to win this game by exactly 1 point just to make other teams think we aren’t good and then next week, they’ll underestimate us and we’ll go out there and clobber them and then in the post-game press conference I’d be like see? we were good this whole time, I was just messing with you guys. And then I’d do a cool little dance move or something. I think there’s a good possibility of that happening, so I’ll take the Jets +2.5 here.