NFL Power Rankings After Week 2
After Week 2, there are 3 things we know: 9 teams are really good, 14 teams are so-so, and 9 teams lick sack.
T1. Atlanta Falcons (2-0)
The Falcons are the best team in the NFL.
T1. Baltimore Ravens (2-0)
The Ravens have won both of their games this year and they have yet to lose a game. They are the best.
T1. Dallas Cowboys (2-0)
The Cowboys are perfect through two games and some people (us included) think they are the best team in the whole fucking league.
T1. Miami Dolphins (2-0)
Just like the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the 2023 Miami Dolphins have started out 2-0.
T1. New Orleans Saints (2-0)
The Saints are BALLING OUT RIGHT NOW. FUCK YEAH!
T1. Philadelphia Eagles (2-0)
The Eagles are the best team in the National Football League.
T1. San Francisco 49ers (2-0)
This 49ers team has looked better than any other team in the NFL through 2 games, and we think they are the best team of all the teams.
T1. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (2-0)
Tom Brady who?
T1. Washington Commanders (2-0)
The Washington Commanders are at the top of the NFL standings.
T10. Buffalo Bills (1-1)
We aren’t sure what to make of the Bills.
T10. Cleveland Browns (1-1)
It’s hard to say if the Browns are good or bad.
T10. Detroit Lions (1-1)
Meh.
T10. Green Bay Packers (1-1)
The Packers looked good in the game they won, but they looked bad in the game they lost, so…we don’t really know about them. We just don’t.
T10. Indianapolis Colts (1-1)
The Colts have one win (which is good), but also one loss (which is not good).
T10. Jacksonville Jaguars (1-1)
The Jaguars have been so-so this year.
T10. Kansas City Chiefs (1-1)
The Chiefs are just an average team according to their record, which is all that matters.
T10. Los Angeles Rams (1-1)
Not sure what to say here.
T10. Las Vegas Raiders (1-1)
The Raiders are a team in the NFL.
T10. New York Giants (1-1)
The Giants have looked really bad most of the time, and not so bad some of the time through their first two games.
T10. New York Jets (1-1)
The Jets are okay, we think?
T10. Pittsburgh Steelers (1-1)
The Steelers have some work to do, but they should also be a little bit proud of their accomplishments so far this season.
T10. Seattle Seahawks (1-1)
This Seahawks team. Man. This team.
T10. Tennessee Titans (1-1)
The Titans could surprise some people this year, either in a good way or a bad way. It’s too early to say.
T23. Arizona Cardinals (0-2)
The Cardinals are a goddamn disgrace.
T23. Carolina Panthers (0-2)
This team is ass.
T23. Chicago Bears (0-2)
Oh man. Shit.
T23. Cincinnati Bengals (0-2)
The Cincinnati Bengals absolutely stink.
T23. Denver Broncos (0-2)
The Broncos have not won a single game this year.
T23. Houston Texans (0-2)
The Texans have lost every game they have played and it’s a little sad.
T23. Los Angeles Chargers (0-2)
This team munches ass—that’s a fact—but there’s just something about this Herbert kid that we still like.
T23. Minnesota Vikings (0-2)
(Dry heaving noises, and a couple of fart sounds).
T23. New England Patriots (0-2)
The New England Patriots are the worst team in the NFL.