Picks From The Dumpster (presented by Arby’s): Week 2

Last Week: 3-2; Season: 3-2

Life is good right now. I’m coming off a solid 3-2 week to start the season and I found a pack of unopened AA batteries in my dumpster yesterday. Let’s keep this momentum going with some Week 2 winners!

Chiefs (-3.5) at Jags

Pick: Jags +3.5

One of my best and most trusted friends in the dumpster community [Merv] lives in various dumpsters in the greater Jacksonville area and he tells me it’s really hot there this time of year. And not just dumpster hot, but regular hot too. Patrick Malones isn’t used to that kind of heat. I like the Jags here.

Giants (-4.5) at Cardinals

Pick: Cardinals +4.5

I think this game will come down to field goal kicking, so I’ll take the Cardinals and the 4.5 points since a field goal is only worth 3 or 4 points.

49ers (-7.5) at Rams

Pick: Rams +7.5

Even though it’s only Week 2, this feels like a big game. And big games call for Big Game Burgers made with a Venison Elk Burger Blend topped with melty Swiss cheeses, Crispy Onions, Sweet Garlic & Dill Pickles, and a Dark Cherry Steak Sauce served on a toasted Brioche bun - now available for a limited time at Arby’s. I think the Rams cover here and they might even win outright.

Vikings at Eagles (-6.5)

Pick: Vikings +6.5

I picked this game last night but didn’t get my column submitted in time because I had to meet up with my pill guy. You have to just trust me on this one.

Raiders at Bills (-8.5)

Pick: Raiders +8.5

Here’s a game that, well, you just kind of write down, and then you go about your day looking for scraps to eat, bandaging your wounds, begging for change, etc., and then you suddenly remember “Uh oh, am I really going to bet on the Raiders for some reason?” but then something starts gnawing on your leg and you kick back into survival mode, and then, eventually, you pass out and get a good night’s sleep, and then you wake up and you say “Sure, I guess the Raiders can lose by 8 or less.”